Yearning for the distant Rose
by mochipew
Summary: The Doctor missed her dearly. He still saw her smiles in his dreams, and her scent would drift around the TARDIS. His soul screamed out in agony to the universe for her, and after so long, he finally got just what he wanted. And maybe a bit more.
1. Prologue

It was as though the darkness was a blanket, surrounding her every inch and fitting snuggly against her body's curves. It encased her, like the love of a mother, neither hot nor cold though providing a sense of warmth beyond that of physicality.

There were no ups or downs, sides or corners, in the vast Void in which she was imprisoned. No concept of time or space, no outside elements filtering into the area, it was simply her.

Her memories were broken, bits and pieces would sometime appear in her mind as flashes back into the past, though they never stayed long. All she knew was that her name was Rose, and she had once loved someone so dearly that she would have jumped into the very depths of Hell if it would keep them safe.

Even now, the concept of Hell was fragmented.

Her mind floated, in a daze that stopped her consciousness all together. She could hardly think, she couldn't move, but she didn't try to either. The Void was comforting and torture at the same time.

The flashes would come then, stabbing into her mind like a thousand wasps penetrating a child's skin.

 _Her hands had begun to sweat, the fear that the Daleks will rise once more swirled in her brain. Though it was not the only reason that she clung onto the lever for dear life._

 _Her Doctor. Her gorgeous, talented, clever man. She didn't want to leave him, she couldn't leave him, not after everything they had experienced together. Not after she had shared so many laughs and smiles with him, not after her heart had become entirely his._

 _He was the only thing she had left in her universe, her mother and Mickey were gone, never to be seen again. Yet it was her choice. The thought of never seeing the Doctor again terrified her, how could she live without him after everything she had seen?_

 _She was scared, it was easy to admit. She was filled with pure terror, so much so that she had begun to tremble in agony. Already mourning the loss of her dear friend, she had accepted her fate and watched with glazed eyes as he screamed her name._

 _Rose. A flower with unadulterated beauty, a flower that can lure in the strongest of men and make their hearts crumble. And like the petals so gracefully embracing one another, she fell._

Doctor. Was that the one she adored with all her being? She had heard him yell out for her, she had seen his eyes brimming with unshed tears as he gazed into her loving soul.

She was able to move her lips to form that one word, the word that had once given her so much hope to live, the name that will soon give her the strength to break free.


	2. Chapter One

The first sense that was activated for Rose was her sense of smell. The putrid stench of rotten fruit and old food wafted up her nose, making her freshly opened eyes sting and water.

Then it was her sight, everything seemed so much more vibrant. The sky was so much bluer, mixing with the uncomfortable brightness of the sun. Cars that drove past seemed neon, though from her distance she could see the faintest of scratches grazed upon its surface.

From what Rose could see, she was sitting against a dumpster which explained why she could smell such a foul odour. The dumpster was sat next to a row of others filled with equally disgusting trash. She looked around where she sat, wincing at the pain and nausea it brought to the back of her head. Rose was leaning against the side of a block of apartments, as cars whizzed past the narrow alleyway she was in.

She could feel her hands underneath her fingers, callused and bloody. Her nails felt cracked and dry. She could feel various rips and creases upon the jacket she was wearing.

She could taste blood in her mouth, and she gave into the gag that came later. No bile would rise, as her stomach was an empty pit, growling in a cry for food. She was stuck on her knees, leaning against the dumpster as she dry heaved, tears pooling in her eyes. She was confused, where was she?

Her hearing kicked in not too long of a moment later, bringing even more pain to her skull. Everything sounded so loud, echoing around in her head and sinking into her mind like water on a sponge. People were yelling from above her to each other, from one apartment to another, motors were snarling and roaring like feral dogs. She put her head down onto the ground, covering her neck with her hands as more tears dripped down her cheeks. She sobbed, finally remembering everything.

She had gone back to the Doctor, she could remember that she never wanted to leave him, and in that moment the thought that she would never see her mother did not come to her. Their plan was mostly successful, until her lever slipped and she had to pull it back to online.

She remembered looking into her Doctor's eyes, and the faint shake of his head as she let go of her magnetic clamp.

She was able to push it back to online, she thought it would be okay because it was locked and it couldn't slip again.

But _she_ did. She slipped, and she cried as she tried to take in all of the Doctor at that moment. He screamed in utter agony, staring her right in the eyes and begging for her to stay with him.

That was all she remembered from that moment, nothing in between, just how she fell into the Void and then she could no longer feel anything. So how could she possibly be in this state?

She stood back up on shaky knees, gripping onto the side of the dumpster. She had to find the Doctor, she needed him. He had to be okay, right? She pleaded with the universe for her to find him, and let the tears fall again.

She took her first step, and like a foal, she fell back down onto the asphalt, scraping her strangely delicate knees. She wouldn't let this stop her, she got straight back up again, rubbing the tears from her eyes.

She had to find out where she was, hopefully somewhere near her old home. Suddenly, she realised her only home was with the Doctor, as her family and friends were all gone. He was the only thing she had left to hang onto. She loved him dearly, enough so that the thought of him caused a strange feeling to rise up in her.

She began to walk, squinting into the distance. Was that a park over there? She saw someone rushing across in front of her, looking at their phone and muttering about 'stupid idiots'. Soon enough, a large crowd of people and their horribly loud voices stampeded past, some of them children.

Rose always had a soft spot for children, she liked to think of herself as innocent as they were, without a care in the world. Their happiness had always transferred over to Rose, so she would happily agree to babysit her mother's friend's children anytime they needed. Having a child would be nice.

Shaking the absurd thoughts from her mind, she stumbled through the alley she was in, joyful to be rid of the disgusting stench inside the dumpsters. Did someone dump a body in there or something?

She smelt chips, the one thing she wished not to smell at that moment. Her mouth watered, as various food smells trailed up to her. She clutched her stomach as she fought back the urge to gag again. She knew she was weak, she could even feel her hands trembling with the lack of nutrition.

She stepped out onto a pavement, blocking the excruciatingly bright sun with her arm. It seemed to be early morning, people were rushing to work and shops were beginning to open. She contemplated the idea of going to a police station, to get help, but they would only think she was weird and run various tests before she could get anything done. Alone was the way to go. She continued on her way to the park, waiting at the crossing with other pedestrians and ignoring their stares and whispers at the state of her.

She sat down at a bench once she got in, running her fingers along the rough bark of a tree and softly smiling as the grass tickled her bare feet. She looked around, a few trees here and there, a football field with no one on it at the moment, a water fountain shot water from the beautiful statues stationed upon it, and water crashed into a pond underneath it. She quickly scurried up to it, and she saw a few coins sitting at the bottom, just waiting to be taken. She felt horrible taking them, but what was she supposed to do? She couldn't keep going like this.

She gathered them up in her hands, whilst also washing the dirt and grime from beneath her fingernails. She walked ten minutes back to the fish and chips shop to buy a box of chips to satisfy her grumbling stomach.

Apart from the foreign man working there staring at her strangely, she thought it went pretty well. She walked and munched on the hot chips, finishing the entire box before she reached the bench she sat on before.

She watched as an oddly dressed man knocked on the door of one of the houses, holding a paper bag that looked to be weighed down by something at the bottom. As she had nothing better to do, she watched their exchange.

A larger but friendly looking man opened the door, and she couldn't help the giggle that escaped her when she heard the exclamation of love towards the stranger. From what she gathered, perhaps there was a girl he was expecting? The pink fluffy keys only added to that prediction.

She watched as he handed the young man a large amount of money from inside his paper bag, and she sat wide eyed at his strangeness. He reminded her too much of the Doctor, and all she wanted to do in that moment was curl up in a ball and cry until she had run out of tears.

And cry she did.

She fell asleep that afternoon on the park bench, falling into her first sleep since becoming conscious. She had no dream, only thoughts of her dearest Doctor ran through her head. She missed him so much that her heart ached for him, she needed to see him and listen to his beautiful voice rambling about things she didn't understand.

She woke up the next day to the most stunning and gorgeous sound she had ever been so cheerful so hear. The whirring and groaning of the TARDIS. It was only for a brief moment, and it sounded as though it was right next to her head.

She excitedly looked behind the tree that she sat in front, and her smile faded slowly when she saw a motorbike rushing around delivering mail to the residents. She missed the TARDIS so much that she was hearing the same sounds that she would hear daily during her travels with the Doctor.

A football match seemed to be about to take place at the park, so she quickly put her jacket on as she was using it as a blanket, and rushed to another bench to watch. She saw the same men from the other day walking towards the match, with an unfamiliar girl trailing beside them.

She wasn't all that interested in their conversation, though the words that slipped out of the strange man's mouth made her freeze, every bone in her body was stunned and her breath got caught in her throat. Tears prickled at the edge of her eyes and her cheeks somehow tingled.

"Doctor…" Her voice came out in a croak, words coming out raspy as if she hadn't spoken a word for years. She clutched her jacket where her chest was, whimpering as tears cascaded down her cheeks. Was it her beloved Doctor? He didn't look the same, how many times had he regenerated since she last saw his precious face?

She tried calling out his name, she tried getting up off the bench to run towards him but she couldn't. She wanted to be with him so badly, but she was so weak she simply couldn't move anymore. Her physical pain combined with the mental anguish she was forced to suffer caused her to be rooted down on the seat, only to stare at who she believed to be her beloved with sad eyes.

She watched the football match and couldn't stop the wide grin to spread across her face at him showing off his skills. Some things never changed. He would always be her precious show-off.

She was still stuck on the seat when the match ended, and she wished with all her being that he would just turn his head the slightest bit to look at her, but he was too focused on the other people talking to him. She fell down along the length of the bench when she became too frail to support herself anymore, collapsing and hitting her head against the metal arm rest.

She hoped her Doctor would come save her soon, he _had_ to.


	3. Chapter Two

He had never felt such strong emotions like the ones he did when he lost her. In the two years that the Doctor brought Rose to travel with him, he had fallen so deeply in love with the human. He had never felt like that, and it confused him to no end.

He adored every single thing about her; her gorgeous smile and the happiness on her face, the way her eyes smiled with her, the fact that she accepted him even though his past was something she could never have imagined. No one could have ever replaced her, so the pure grief he suffered when she fell into the Void was unimaginable.

He didn't want her to risk her safety just to push that lever back online, he could've planned something else, and there was always another way.

His precious Rose had fallen, eyes staring deep into his and with a final smile, she was gone.

He felt as though she had died, he missed her and the way she smelt, he missed the way she looked at him with more love than he had ever known. He still saw her face in his mirror, still smelt her around the TARDIS, he tried to take his mind off the pain, so he covered his sorrow with a mask.

He had to act happy, he carried on as if nothing was wrong and thankfully he had Donna and Martha to distract him from his agony. But they weren't her. They weren't anything like his Rose, no one could be.

He left them to themselves before he regenerated, worried that they wouldn't accept him like his beautiful Rose did. He started to travel with Amy and Rory, and he changed himself from the man he once was.

He still talked to her every day after his travels, talked to her as though she was listening. He told her of every little thing and reminded her how much he wanted her back every single day.

"Hello, flower. I've got good and bad news. I'm finally living a normal life! For however long it will be, anyway. The TARDIS is unable to land, and Amy is still inside. I'm stuck in a town somewhere, but I was able to find a place to stay, don't you worry. I'm flat mates with a good man, his name is Craig. A bit strange, but no matter!"

He smiled while looking out the window, watching as leaves fell from the trees onto the road below.

"You'd love it, travelling with Amy and Rory. You would all be such great friends, and the TARDIS looks different on the inside now too, you should really see. She wants you back as well, she almost misses you as much as I do."

He chuckled lightly, falling onto the bed laid out for him.

"Please come back, okay? I know it's physically impossible and there are a million reasons why you can't escape the Void but I'm holding onto the thin strand of hope that you'll come back to me. I better leave you to it, Craig has asked me to play football! Not sure how to play really but wish me luck."

He heaved himself up off the bed, taking two deep breaths before settling his cheerful and goofy mask into place.

* * *

Everything turned out well. He was able to hop back into the TARDIS without the universe exploding, while also causing a long-awaited romance to blossom between two deserving people.

He enjoyed that they were happy, but somewhere deep inside of him, he was annoyed and jealous that he didn't get to experience that love anymore.

He danced around the console, flipping switches while getting ready to quickly hop back in time for Amy to place the note in the shop window.

"Back in time! You, Amy, need to go to that paper shop and leave that note for me."

He loved hopping forwards and backwards in time, though if only he could have used it to save his Rose.

If he only just went back a tiny bit, to save her, to move her to the clamp that he was clinging onto so that he could have found a way to fix the lever.

"Right little matchmaker, aren't you?" Amy leaned against the console, staring at him as he tried to ignore her. "Can't you find me a fella?"

He couldn't tell her that she already had a 'fella' who she couldn't even remember. As much as he wanted to, he simply couldn't.

"Oh, rectifier's playing up again! Hold on." He quickly dashed away, no longer wanting to have to deal with Amy's questions.

He called over his shoulder, "You write that note and I'll change that will." He bent down as if to fiddle with something, but he was just trying to grasp onto anything that would calm him. He thought of Rose and her beauty, and he smiled softly.

"You got a pen?" Amy's shout broke his thought and he replied back to make sure she used a red pen.

Amy shook her head and searched through his jacket pockets. There was something red, but it certainly wasn't a pen. She pulled out the small box, staring at it in thought and curiosity. Her brows narrowed and she flipped it open.

The ring inside it was stunning, and it could have only been one thing. Did the Doctor have a special someone? Certainly not or he would have at least said something. So why was he keeping such a beautiful ring inside his jacket pocket?

Quickly closing the box once more, she shoved it into her pocket and shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. She found the pen and quickly jotted down the note. She read over it twice and handed it to the Doctor when he walked past her.

"Ah, perfect!" Before he got a chance to flip the final switch to send them back, they both heard the creak of the TARDIS doors opening, and a muffled gasp echoed throughout the silence within the room.

Amy saw a girl standing there, possibly about her age. She hand long, knotted blonde hair that fell down to the middle of her back, strands fell in front of her gorgeous golden eyes filled with warmth and right now, dripping with tears. Small cuts and grazes littered her pale skin, dirt and blood was caked into her hair and clothes, which also had rips and tears upon them.

To Amy, she was an unfamiliar girl who probably stumbled upon the TARDIS and was unsure how to take it. To the Doctor, however, who stood there with red eyes about to cry, she was the most beautiful thing to ever grace his presence.

Amy noticed movement in the corner of her eye, and saw the Doctor on his knees on the floor, his eyes aligned with the mysterious girl's. A hoarse sob arose from his throat, and Amy saw tears seeping out of his eyes.

Unsure as to what was making him cry, she rushed to his side, bringing his head up to look at her.

"Doctor? Are you alright? What's wrong?" She looked to the unknown girl, thinking of the worst.

"Did you do this to him? Who are you?" Amy glared at the girl, stepping forwards in case she was a threat.

The Doctor finally stood up, pushing her back and moving towards the girl.

"It is okay, Amy. She's… She's my beautiful, brilliant, fantastic..." His words trailed off when the girl hobbled over to him, whimpering with her arms stretched out. They wrapped around his neck as he lifted her body towards his. He held her within his arms, and they both fell to the floor as they took in each other.

The Doctor cried out, showing an emotion that Amy had never seen upon his face. He buried his face in the girl's neck, openly letting his tears flow freely as she cried with him.

"Doctor…" Her voice was broken, she made barely a sound when uttering his name.

Amy was unsure what to do, so she looked at the two in shock. Who was this girl? How could she possibly have made the Doctor react in such a way? Her mind raced, thinking of reasons. She could be an emotion-manipulating alien, maybe she had slipped a poison into something he had drunk to make him obey her.

Or maybe, just maybe, this was someone the Doctor clearly very, very dearly loved.


End file.
